Tommy Dorfman says she would have transitioned ‘a lot sooner’ had she not gotten ’13 Reasons Why’ role

Tomi Dorfman has had a lot to think about since coming out as trans last year.

The 13 reasons Elm, 30, opened up on the latest episode of the podcast Broad Thoughts with Rachel BilsonDuring which she talked about her early years in Hollywood, and why, in retrospect, marrying her ex-husband was the only way to feel “safe” in the world and how living as her true self has enriched her life. .

“In those early years of working, I was just trying to understand [myself]” Dorfman said, noting that 13 reasons It was his first real professional job. The series became one of Netflix’s highest-rated originals.

“I think if I hadn’t booked that job I would have changed a lot sooner,” she added. “I think my work is so tied to my body and face and identity, or whatever [a character] Identified as, it delayed some of my growth and some maturation in my 20s. I made decisions that didn’t match how I really was or what I wanted – but out of fear.

Dorfman, who married her longtime boyfriend Peter Zurkuhlen in 2016 before filing for divorce in February of this year, added that, in hindsight, she “probably got married” because it was the “safest” thing to do at the time. felt like

“It felt like a safe haven that I could create for myself in a world that was always changing,” she said of her marriage. “I was just dealing with things I didn’t know yet.”

The star, who has lived a sober lifestyle since she was 21, explained that, growing up, she always felt out of place. He also compared the experience of gender dysphoria to alcoholism or drug addiction, meaning that in both situations, life can feel like “you’re living in a fog” with no sense of authentic direction, course-correcting efforts. in spite of.

“It’s similar to my first year of sobriety,” she said of her first year living as a transgender woman. “It feels so strange and confusing. Every day feels different. “

“I think if you are living together [gender] Dysphoria is no different than being actively addicted to alcohol or drugs,” he explained. “You’re living in a fog. You’re basically living underwater.”

“For me, I always felt like other people had a guidebook to life that I didn’t [have],” she added. “I’d always be like, ‘How do you know how to brush your teeth twice a day?’ He is crazy. or, ‘You know how to make a bed?’ Or these simple basic human things that were not available to me. Or, like, emotions. I was like, ‘You feel emotions outside of acting? It’s strange.’ Acting was the only way I could feel things until I started transitioning. Then it was like this, boom!”

“I often describe the first year of my transition as the first year of sobriety,” she says of her personal growth. “It was like having my birthday for the first time, Christmas for the first time, going to a party for the first time, going on vacation for the first time. All those milestones in early sobriety, I felt like I had to do all those things again – but as a woman. And every day it still feels that way because as my body takes on a new shape and form, biologically, from hormones and life, and then faces new challenges.

Growing up, Dorfman says she always felt like she “wasn’t in the right place or the right time,” but these days, she’s grown to understand the meaning of her life.

“I always felt like I didn’t belong in the world I was living in,” she said. “You know how people are like, ‘I should have been born in the ’80s or something? I always had that feeling. And then when I started transitioning I was like, oh no, no, I’m completely It means for this body and for this time and for this world. All I wore was a sweater that was three sizes too small – for 28 years.

The actor is no stranger to speaking openly about how his life has changed drastically since the transition.

Last year, just a month after coming out publicly, she spoke in an interview about her personal discoveries after undergoing the medical procedure. instyle.

“Two weeks into having estrogen in my body, I was like, ‘Oh.’ It felt like I had sunk into the earth and fallen to the ground. I can sleep now. I wake up half happy,” she told the magazine. “I felt it hit, and I was like, ‘Let’s ride.’ And as the testosterone leaves my body, I feel so much better. I’m more energetic. I feel how I think I should always feel.”

He added, “I spent 28 years of my life suicidal and depressed and recovering from alcohol and drug addiction.” “I don’t think I’ve ever been truly happy until this past year. Ever since I started working, I look at an internet chronicle of my photos, and I can see how miserable I was in every photo. Wild.”

Still, she explained that it can be difficult to see changes in your body if you’re not ready for it.

“I’ve also never seen a body in transition before, and I think that’s a scary thing as a trans person,” she said. “It’s alien, and it’s incredibly autonomous. It’s puberty as an adult if you do it at my age — it’s a second puberty, and I think you should go through puberty at that age. You don’t remember it. Because it hurts. It’s physically painful and emotionally draining.”

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